Honolulu Zoo

X has been going through this frustrating phase in which he breaks all of the rules and refuses to do things we ask him to do. He spends a lot of time being punished. With that in mind, we were prepared for an ill fated trip to the zoo. Though it did end with me dragging him out of Keiki Zoo while he screamed, there were some fun moments.

He's "taking a picture" of the baboon

This peacock is plotting to steal X's cookie

Bobby chasing the peacock down to steal the cookie back

In the fish tank

Revisiting The Sandman

We had a lovely time on the mainland. It was wonderful to see everyone and the weather was fantastic. North Carolina was at its finest.

Then we came home, and the house was plunged into chaos. Our beloved daycare auntie gave us her two month's notice. Searching for childcare is much like it was when we moved here: every place we can afford is full. We hold out hope that we'll find something acceptable over the next two months. In the meantime, we're touring preschools we can't afford. We fall into the system's cracks--too much income to qualify for financial aid, too little income to actually pay tuition. It's a lousy feeling, not being able to afford preschool for my son. It's the first childhood necessity that we cannot give him.

Then, X turns into a raging asshole. He won't do anything I ask him to do. He throws at least one tantrum a day, normally in a crowded and visible place. Every day I wonder who body snatched my sweet boy.

Everyone has something they turn to when things get stressful. Some people like religion. Some like substances. I'm revisiting Neil Gaiman's Sandman series, which, if I'm being honest, is probably my favorite book(s). I won't admit that to just anyone. I have enjoyed books with more literary merit. Dream of the endless, however, is who I like to spend my time with when I want to get lost in a story and think deep thoughts about life.

Another Year

Note: I pulled this one out of the bin and dusted it off. I wrote it months ago but never published it.

I love Christmas. I'm not a big fan of New Year's. Perhaps this is because I've never been much for big parties, and my husband even less so. We like to watch TV together and go to bed early. We were prepared for the war zone this year, so stayed up to hear the fireworks even though we couldn't see a single one from our condo.

Perhaps the New Year reminds me that life is fleeting, and that my son is growing. Each year, I find that I love the new version of him as much as, if not more than, the previous one. Nonetheless, he's marching through his magical early childhood years far too quickly. Right now, we can meet his meager needs easily. He is a happy child.

Small children are delightful. X calls everyone on the playground "fwiends", and for the most part, they behave accordingly. X can walk in on other kids' games and be included, despite looking pretty different from his peers. They haven't developed that clan mentality that makes them exclude people. In my recollection, that happens around age 10.

I'm afraid for when X enters these miserable years. I was very unpopular in school. I'm very happy to be the person I am today, a person who was forged in the crucible of middle school. But I almost didn't make it. I was lucky in that I grew up at a time before cyberbullying, when I could at least be free from torment in my own room after school. X is not so lucky.

He's an extrovert, and will hopefully have an easier time of it in school than I did. I want that for him, but I don't want it to be too easy. I don't want him to be in the "in" crowd, tormenting some other poor soul. Most of the kindred spirits I know today were ostracized at one point or another during grade school.

Like most parents, I want my child to be happy more than anything. As a close second, I want him to make the world a better place, not a worse one. I want him to fight on the side of light, facing others with tolerance and understanding. I am not convinced that both of these things are possible in middle school, in which case I choose tolerance and understanding and pray that he makes it through.

I wish he could be small forever.

Easter

We came back from the mainland a few days before Easter. X had a nasty cold. We decided to forego the only community egg hunt we would have been able to attend and just hide some eggs in the play area.

We weren't disappointed. X loved finding the eggs, shouting, "there's another egg!" and taking off as fast as his legs would carry him. He wasn't too into the candy, though he did enjoy his birthday cake flavored chocolate bunny.

To top the day off, we went to the beach. Sunset Beach is normally a surfing spot, with high surf and strong currents. For Easter, it was a giant swimming pool with gentle waves I could ride back and forth. We're trying to get X in the water more, so we put him in his life jacket and he nervously came out with me.

He decorated one egg, and his dad did the rest. It was a pleasant, low key day.