50 Shades of Collection Development Policies

Here's a secret: there is smut in my library.  Don't tell.  I am very aware of this, as I am aware of the multitudes who enjoy reading it.  Once and awhile, someone will call my attention to the content of these dirty books, expecting me to be shocked that they slipped past my radar.  Of course, I can't quantify this, but my circulation figures tell me that there's a silent majority, or at least a plurality, that really enjoy those books.  And it is my job, first and foremost, to give the community what they want.

So recently the wildly popular 50 Shades of Grey trilogy has brought the issue of erotica in the library to the forefront.  Some libraries have purchased the trilogy, and some haven't, citing collection development policies that don't allow them to purchase "erotica" or unreviewed, self published titles.  I would imagine that most of those libraries carry some erotica, whether its the works of Laurel K. Hamilton and Eric Jerome Dickey or more classic titles like Lady Chatterly's Lover and Tropic of Cancer.  I would also wager that many of them carry The Shack, which a religious themed self published hit.  So here's my two cents: people want to read what they want to read.  It was never our job to be the book police.

I'm watching our catalog to see what other librarians agree with me.

Fun at the park

I have finally loosened my grip on my son.  I let other people, even strangers, hold him.  I let other children touch him.  As it turns out, he loves both.  He made some Korean friends in the park near our house the other day.  One was a toddler, which both found very exciting.  Her mother held Xander for awhile, then gave him back (I have learned that people will give me the baby back.) This is a picture a man took of us.

Xander loves new people, especially kids

6 months

Happy half birthday, Xander!  6 months and cuter every day.

What we've been doing

It's been far too long since I posted cute pics, so here's a handful:

can I eat this ?

I can feed myself

There was a festival in the park near our house

baby likes books

Happy Belated Mother's Day

I first became aware of the volatile topic of parenting philosophies when I decided to breastfeed and started doing research. Breastfeeding advocates can be heavy handed. Tina Fey aptly calls them “teat nazis”. The members of La Leche League tell you that “breast is best,” absolutely, inarguably best. If mom is miserable breastfeeding, she is just “not doing it right.”

When Xander started having sleep problems, I checked out some books on baby sleep problems. Each one claims to have THE solution, but only if you follow this method exactly. They all contradict each other—one says sleep with your baby, another never sleep with your baby, put the baby to bed before 7, never rock the baby to sleep, let him cry himself to sleep, never let him cry alone, never feed him to sleep—it's exhausting. When I checked those ever-so-volatile mommy message boards, I found screaming matches that have lasted for years. Not many people allow for relativity: there's always an absolute solution which is the only way you should ever deal with your baby's sleep problems.

When we started solids, I found that several people believe that you should start solids at four months, while others think it's a crime to start before six months. I even discovered a “baby led weaning” movement that believes that it is wrong to spoon-feed a baby. When I looked up baby slings, I found “attachment parenting,” which is staunchly anti-stroller. There's a new book out called Bringing Up Bebe which touts “French parenting,” which advocates putting mom first. In French parenting, there is no breastfeeding, there are plenty of strollers, and parents resume their pre-baby social lives fairly quickly. There are even some women who say that breasts are for the husband, not the baby, which I find somewhat insulting.

Several of my contemporaries have latched onto some method or another. I think that many feel validated that there are other mothers who share their beliefs. Others browbeat themselves for not producing these mythical children who sleep effortlessly and eat only the finest foods (by themselves, with no spoons). They know that their disposable diaper use/fondness for strollers/babies' unwillingness to sleep for eight hour stretches are indicative of bad mothering.

I have seen enough differing opinions to realize that I'm better off trusting my instincts. Parenting comes with its snafus. Xander goes on nap strikes. He melts down after extended time in the ergo. He is occasionally unhappy and uncomfortable. Sometimes he gets a bottle of formula just because breastfeeding or pumping more milk is not convenient for me. I believe that I'm doing an acceptable job, and my baby is healthy and happy to validate this.

I won't say that my parenting philosophy is THE ONLY parenting philosophy, but here it is: Life with baby can be challenging sometimes. There are no perfect babies or perfect parents. If mom cares enough to worry that she is not doing a good job, and if she realizes that taking care of herself is important, too, then she is doing fine.  You hear that, all you new mothers out there?  You're doing fine.  

Bad Parenting: Level One

Xander is trying a new food every couple of days. He likes almost everything so far. When he first tastes something, he makes an unpleasant face, but I've learned that it's really a reaction to an unfamiliar taste. He will soon demand more of the new food, sometimes to the point of belligerence. When we feed him bananas, we scrape the bowl clean in an attempt to appease him, but he still protests when they are gone, fussing and banging his high chair tray with his sippy cup.

Tuesday's new food was avocados. Xander made his face when I gave them to him, but then he made the same “mmm,mmmm” sound he makes for bananas. He even smiled a little. So I kept feeding him. I did notice that he wasn't really opening his mouth, but I still put a few spoonfuls in when I got the opportunity. Then, suddenly, he made an awful face, gagged, and puked what looked like green milk onto his bib. He had only swallowed a little of the avocados, and was holding the rest in his mouth.

I cleaned him up and apologized for pushing avocados on him, and he blithely went into his swing.

At dinner, I decided to feed him some sweet potatoes, since he hadn't really ingested any of the avocados. I strapped him into his high chair, put his bib on, and he started crying. Then he started screaming. I have never seen him so upset on an un-nap-related issue. I had to take him out of the high chair, hold him in my lap, and coax him to try a bite of sweet potatoes, which he likes. I felt so bad. I traumatized my child with avocados! We will have work to convince him that supper time isn't really so bad.

I guess this is the first in a long line of parenting mistakes I will make. At least he won't remember this one.

*Full disclosure: this is not my first parenting mistake. Why, last Friday, we took him to a bar. We thought it was a Mexican restaurant! He slept through the entire experience.

Rice cereal and other cuteness

I really have to capture this on film to give it justice.

Xander has been "talking" since he was about six weeks old, however, it's a little different now.  Where before he would go on multisyllabic diatribes to his toys, a mobile, himself, and occasionally me without thinking, now he's decided to put some thought into it.  And he's got some important things to say.  First he'll give me this rapt look, and take a few breaths to prepare.  Then he'll open his mouth, and words of wisdom will come out.  Normally it sounds like, "aaah," but to him, it's clearly important.  It probably helps that I tell him how brilliant he is.

We started solids this week.  First up was rice cereal, though he likes sweet potatoes better.